{Lifestyle} New Year, New Resolve

Well. It's been awhile. 

2014 was not a successful year for my blogging routine. I could be ashamed of myself for that. I could let that fact get me down. I could listen to the little lie that says I might as well give it up.

But I'm not going to.

Becasue when I think about what's kept me away- my two daughters- I'm positive I wouldn't trade the hours with them for all the blogging time in the world. I don't have much recorded to show for this year, to remember this year by, and I do regret that. In fact, when I think about all the months gone by of Hartlie's life that haven't been documented I get a bit sick inside. I didn't write much this year; I guess some years are just lean like that.

But now! New year, new resolve, and {perhaps most influentially} older babies who have adjusted and readjusted to schedules, which means now I have about an hour and a half in the afternoons where they both nap AT THE SAME TIME. Hallelujah chorus.

Speaking of the new year, let's talk a little about resolutions, since that's what everybody is talking about in January.

I'm hopping on the "word of the year" train, along with all others in the blogosphere, and choosing one word to live by in 2015. Although I will probably still write down a long list of goals because that's just the kind of person I am and when you put a Pilot pen and a cute notepad in my hand I can't help myself. I'll just have to break the rules and do both. {Living on the edge, I know.}

Jana's 2015 Word of the Year: Actionary 

Which, oh the irony, is not even a real word.

However, it infers the exact opposite of what I've been the past 22 months of my life- Reactionary.

Real talk time. Ever since Maylin was born almost two years ago I feel my life has been far from my control. More specifically I have felt lost, clueless, unsure, overwhelmed, maxed out, time-less, and not myself. I feel as if I somehow got attached to the wrong end of a long rope that keeps whipping me about from one place to another. I haven't been able to firmly plant my feet. Instead of acting, I've been reacting. Instead of being in control, I'd lost control. Instead of having a plan and being calm yet firm, I responded with anxiety, panic, and by throwing my proverbial hands in the air.

I won't blame my habit of being reactionary solely on motherhood, although the starting times of the two do coincide, and a lot of the things I've responded to with anxiety and panic {if I responded at all} are related to parenting issues. A lot of being reactionary also stemmed from an "identity crisis," in which I transitioned from teacher to mother to household manager to mother of two under two in a really, really lightening speed fast amount of time. Like, a "what is my new role?" and "where do I belong in society?" and "how does that merge with who I already am?" and "how do my dreams and wants fit in with this whole sleepless, selfless mother thing?" and "oh yeah aren't I suppsed to be a wife, too?" kind of identity crisis. {Mamas in the house, let me hear ya say yeah because I can't possibly be the only one? Or if I am just don't tell me.} 

So, I reacted. I reacted with my emotions. I  reacted with my time management. I reacted with my lack of planning. I reacted with my purchases. I reacted with my mothering. Most of the things I've done over the past two years have been done on impulse, as a response, and without thorough thought. The more I reacted, the more situations occured to cause me to react. And I'm sick of it. Therefore...

Actionary

Here are a few ways I resolve to be actionary this year:

> Time- spend it intentionally // prioritize it successfully // organize routines

> Purchases- more thoughtful // less impulsive // abide by a list // no overspending

> Mothering- plan ahead // discipline plan // crisis management // relax and release anxieties

> Writing/Blogging- Do It // make time // photograph // document // nurture it

> Household management- meal plan // clean less // infuse my style in our home

> Emotional responses- calm // gentle // joyful // patient // confident // less guilt

> Spiritual well-being- journal prayers // daily Scripture // verse of the week

Part of being actionary is having a plan and sticking to it, thinking about what could happen and having a response for when it does, because it will. I want to know how I will handle situations before they happen, maybe not specifically, but with a general core of guidelines. I want to be prepared. I want to act, not react. 

So there it is. Resolution 2015.