Thursday, December 12, 2013

{Baby Davis #2} Dear Baby | 01

Dear Baby,
I promise I haven't forgotten about you. It's just that things have been a little hectic around here. You see, I'm still halfway waiting for things to return to "normal" from when your big sister was born over 8 months ago. I'm still trying to catch my breath. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around this whole "mothering" business, which is really a lot harder than my mother {your grandmother} made it look. I'm still new at this. I'm still learning. And most days I feel like I'm still drowning in everything I don't know and am unsure about.

I know, I know. You're thinking, "Mom, get it together; only 6 more months till I get here. If you haven't gotten it together by now, I'm not sure that you will. And I really need you to by the time I'm born. Because then you'll have two little babies depending on you. And I'll be a newborn, and I'll really need a lot of your time and attention. So please, Mom, for the sake of our whole family. Get. It. Together."

Here's my promise to you, Baby. By the time you're born I'll have fully accepted my role as a mom of two under two. I won't be perfect. I won't know it all. I will make many, many mistakes {that I pray with my whole heart won't land you in the emergency room or ruin your sense of self-confidence}. But I will be the best mother to you I can. I cherish you and love you and want the world for you. And hopefully, even on the days when I feel like everything is falling apart, you'll still think I'm pretty great. That's what kind of mom I want to be for you.

Your daddy and I wanted you. We created you on purpose. You were not a mistake, an "oops," an "uh-oh, we didn't mean for that to happen this soon." We knew you would come and we fully embraced that, and excitedly looked forward to knowing you exist. Now you do. And I'm so, so sorry for freaking out a little bit and doubting myself that you're coming at the exact right time when you're supposed to. Because if we'd waited any longer, you wouldn't be you. You'd be someone else. And, Baby, you're the one we want.

I feel like I've neglected you for a little bit. I spent so much time and attention and thought on your big sister when she was all cuddled inside my belly. I'm sorry that I haven't given you as much as I gave her. But I promise it's not because I love you less than I love her. And I promise it won't be this way for the whole of your lives. You will not always live in her shadow. You will not always be overlooked by me because of her. That, my sweet Baby, is a pinkie-swear-cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die oath. I love you completely and separately from your sister. You are your own little person, and I'm going to start treating you as such. You deserve my best.

So now, Baby, from this day forward, I will think about you more. Dream of you more. Plan for you more. Stare into space and smile about you more. You are already an integral part of our little growing family. You are already prayed for every day. You are your own special little someone. I hope you can tell this is a turning point {or maybe a starting point} in our unique Mama/Baby relationship, and I hope you're jumping and twirling for joy because of it, even though I can't feel you yet. 

You are mine and I am yours. Welcome to our little family.

1 comment:

  1. This may be the best post you've ever written. I'm proud of you for taking this step as a turning point towards acceptance of being a mother of two. The love you demonstrated for Baby 2 is exactly why I wanted you to be the mother of my children.

    I love you Jana!