{Real Mom Life} My Choice to Be a Stay-At-Home Mom

Yesterday morning Michael went back to work after a two week Christmas/New Year vacation. I made the bed, cleaned the kitchen, got a load of laundry going. The house was quiet and still; bright {albeit cold} sunlight streamed through the windows. Maylin had eaten breakfast, had a bath, and was down for a morning nap. I was getting ready to finish my coffee and spend some time reading my Bible.

That's when it hit me.

A feeling of such fulfillment and satisfaction and purpose that I had to pause in my tracks. This thought actually went through my head, "I love my job. I love what I'm doing. God wired me for this. And that's okay."

It was so relieving to finally admit that to myself, the first time in all the nine plus months Maylin's been alive and I haven't been teaching or working outside the home. I can say it with confidence, and I can say it without guilt.

Staying home to raise our daughter and manage our household is my true passion, my current calling, my purpose.

For months and months I carried around a permanent feeling of guilt for staying home with Maylin rather than working outside the home and contributing to our family income. I felt that being home wasn't "good enough," that it didn't carry enough weight, that I should be doing more. Michael would try to convince me over and over that what I'm doing is contributing, not monetarily, but in an equally important way. But I didn't believe him.

Deep down I wanted to be okay with staying home. After all, I chose to. In fact, the majority of my life I've wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom to our kids. But when it came down to it, all I could think about was what my working friends would think {they've all been very supportive, by the way}, what my coworkers would say, and whether I would have any respect from working women. Would I get passed by, wearing frumpy mom jeans and driving a minivan while my friends kept up their social lives and looked glamorous?

Surprisingly enough, I've realized over the months that just because I'm staying home doesn't mean a switch automatically flips inside me that makes me frumpy, dated, and boring. I'm still me. And a huge, integral, core part of me was created on purpose by God to derive fulfillment from managing a household and raising our child from home.

When I told my principal I'd be leaving my fourth grade teaching position after Maylin was born, I was a bit nervous. I rushed through my "confession," quickly explaining that I'd be home for a few short years, but planned to teach again after our kids started Kindergarten. He quietly sat and listened to me spill my heart. Then he said something very poignant. Something that has burned a spot in my memory and will probably never go away. He said, "High school kids need stay-at-home moms just as much as Kindergarteners do." In other words, don't rush back just because I think that's what's expected by the culture.

And I don't intend to. Michael and I have had our fair share of talks about what the future of our family looks like. In almost all the scenarios, I'm staying home with our kids. No matter what grade they're in. No matter how old they get. This is my job, my career. It's just as important as anything I could be doing in the working world. And believe it or not, there are days {just as my principal so wisely warned me there would be} that it would be easier to go to school rather than be in the house with a tempermental baby all day. But this is my choice, what I would rather be doing than any job I can think of.

The older {wiser?} I get, the more I realize that God created each person differently. "Everybody else" isn't just like me, and I don't have to be like "everybody else." I know women who work full time outside the home and are outstanding mothers. I honestly don't know how they do it. I have the utmost respect for them. I know women who work from home who are also wonderful mothers. {Sometimes I don't know how they do it either!} All that to say, I'm convinced that no matter what choice has been made by the mom, we're all just trying to do our best. We're all just hanging on to sanity by a thread. Each choice has its perks and its difficulties. No choice is better or worse, or more deserving of praise than the other.

So. At the conclusion of all these musings, the main thing I want to say is this::

I am accepting who I am as a woman who wants to stay home to manage a household in the midst of a career-driven society. I  can confidently and proudly admit to myself and others {when asked, what do you do all day?} that I honestly enjoy being a stay-at-home mom, and that I derive a great sense of satisfaction and purpose from it. I don't {and shouldn't} have to feel guilty for my choice. I'm doing what I was made to do. I am fulfilling a God-given desire in my heart.

What I do is important. It's meaningful. And it has eternal value.

{Baby Davis #2} Dear Baby | 02

Dear Baby,

You have a name. You have a face. You seem so  much more real now. This past week we went for your anatomy scan and were able to see your image for the first time.

You are perfect.

You have ten little fingers and ten little toes. You have a four-chambered heart beating at 148 beats per minute. You weigh a whopping 8 ounces. You have two kidneys and two lungs and one loooong spine that stretches the length of your back.

Already I can see glimpses of your own personality. You are quite the little wiggle worm- flipping, twisting, turning, and kicking. You were hardly still the whole time we watched you. This has carried over into all parts of our life, for there is rarely a time {day or night} that I don't feel your movements. My hunch is you are going to rock the world of this little family.

As you grow and make your presence more noticeable, I find myself thinking of you more often. And praying for you by name. And anxiously anticipating your entrance into our world.

Happy New {Birth} Year, Baby. You're making it shine already.

{This Moment} Backyard Playtime

Not many words today. I simply want to remember this moment with her in the late afternoon sun, playing among the dried leaves in the back yard.

*One sock on, one sock off. That's because we lost the right gray sock within two minutes of being outside. And it just so happened to be the exact color of undersides of dried leaves. The search was hopeless. Maybe tiny, furry animals will crowd in to use it for warmth, a la the famous Ukrainian folktale, "The Mitten."  I thought this was fitting considering this is the Christmas book Maylin is getting this year.*

{Motherhood Mission Statement}

I was perusing the blog on Disney Baby a few days ago and ran across this article about creating a mission statement for motherhood.

I was instantly drawn to that idea, considering that being a mother is one of the most important and influential tasks I'll do in my entire life. I found myself thinking it would be pointless to blindly and aimlessly travel the paths of motherhood without a sense of direction or purpose. Being a mother is a monumental calling, so it only makes sense that I have a goal to work toward, a North Star, if you will, that guides me in a specific direction.

I will be leading my children in one way or the other, whether intentionally or not. I hope with this mission statement on the forefront of my mind, I'll be leading them in a direction I have consciously sculpted rather than toward a general area of adulthood. I want to mother with a purpose.

My Motherhood Mission Statement:

I want to respond gently and calmly to my children in the face of tantrums, surprises, disobedience, anger, disappointments, and exasperation.

I want to promote independence, self-confidence, and individuality among each child.

I want to exude unconditional love and ready forgiveness to my children, no matter what the offense. I want them to recognize this trait in me toward others outside our family too.

I want to nurture my children, to be available and present with them. I want to be intentional about spending time with them.

Most of all, I want to guide my children to know and experience the love of God, that they may be in relationship with Him.

Quote and picture found on Pinterest

{Baby Davis #2} Dear Baby | 01

Dear Baby,

I promise I haven't forgotten about you. It's just that things have been a little hectic around here. You see, I'm still halfway waiting for things to return to "normal" from when your big sister was born over 8 months ago. I'm still trying to catch my breath. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around this whole "mothering" business, which is really a lot harder than my mother {your grandmother} made it look. I'm still new at this. I'm still learning. And most days I feel like I'm still drowning in everything I don't know and am unsure about.

I know, I know. You're thinking, "Mom, get it together; only 6 more months till I get here. If you haven't gotten it together by now, I'm not sure that you will. And I really need you to by the time I'm born. Because then you'll have two little babies depending on you. And I'll be a newborn, and I'll really need a lot of your time and attention. So please, Mom, for the sake of our whole family. Get. It. Together."

Here's my promise to you, Baby. By the time you're born I'll have fully accepted my role as a mom of two under two. I won't be perfect. I won't know it all. I will make many, many mistakes {that I pray with my whole heart won't land you in the emergency room or ruin your sense of self-confidence}. But I will be the best mother to you I can. I cherish you and love you and want the world for you. And hopefully, even on the days when I feel like everything is falling apart, you'll still think I'm pretty great. That's what kind of mom I want to be for you.

Your daddy and I wanted you. We created you on purpose. You were not a mistake, an "oops," an "uh-oh, we didn't mean for that to happen this soon." We knew you would come and we fully embraced that, and excitedly looked forward to knowing you exist. Now you do. And I'm so, so sorry for freaking out a little bit and doubting myself that you're coming at the exact right time when you're supposed to. Because if we'd waited any longer, you wouldn't be you. You'd be someone else. And, Baby, you're the one we want.

I feel like I've neglected you for a little bit. I spent so much time and attention and thought on your big sister when she was all cuddled inside my belly. I'm sorry that I haven't given you as much as I gave her. But I promise it's not because I love you less than I love her. And I promise it won't be this way for the whole of your lives. You will not always live in her shadow. You will not always be overlooked by me because of her. That, my sweet Baby, is a pinkie-swear-cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die oath. I love you completely and separately from your sister. You are your own little person, and I'm going to start treating you as such. You deserve my best.

So now, Baby, from this day forward, I will think about you more. Dream of you more. Plan for you more. Stare into space and smile about you more. You are already an integral part of our little growing family. You are already prayed for every day. You are your own special little someone. I hope you can tell this is a turning point {or maybe a starting point} in our unique Mama/Baby relationship, and I hope you're jumping and twirling for joy because of it, even though I can't feel you yet. 

You are mine and I am yours. Welcome to our little family.

{Taking Stock} 01

Making:: plans for Michael's birthday at the end of the month. Which also happens to be New Year's Eve. Double Fun!
Cooking:: a pot of chili with Michael. He's got his secret ingredients going, my job is to quick soak the dry beans.
Drinking:: lots and lots of ice water. Gotta keep two babies and one adult hydrated with this body of mine.
Reading:: The Tiger's Wife by Tea Obreht, which sounds like a tatty romance, but actually won the 2011 Orange Prize for Fiction. And it's wonderful. 
Wanting:: to etch every second of Maylin's first Christmas in my memory this year.
Looking:: forward to our local Christmas parade next week.
Playing:: Straight No Chaser's Christmas CD. They take A Capella to a whole new level. You don't even notice there are no instruments.
Wasting:: time looking at gift guides from my favorite bloggers.
Wishing:: I could beat my husband in just one game of Words with Friends. Just one!
Enjoying:: a warm, cozy home while temperatures drop and an icy rain pitter-patters outside.
Waiting:: to wake Maylin up from her nap. It's one of my favorite things to look in her sleepy eyes while she reaches for me from her crib.
Liking:: the way Maylin and Deuce are starting to interact. She is always smiling and reaching for him now. He licks and licks...and loves that she's self-feeding now {more on the floor for him!}.
Wondering:: if our new little baby is Boy or Girl. I'm ready to know who will be joining our family next.
Loving:: alone time spent with Michael after baby girl goes to sleep. I treasure my time with Maylin, but I've found that the times when it's just Michael and me are priceless. I'd like to gather them up and hold them close. It's my favorite time of day.
Hoping:: for even just a smattering of snow this winter.
Marveling:: at how quickly the weather changes where we live. Two days ago it was 72*. Today the high is 36*. Not that I'm complaining. Bring on the winter chill!
Needing:: this reminder from Sarah Mae to enjoy life and get over unnecessary guilt.
Smelling:: the Pumpkin Caramel Latte candle burning on my mantle.
Wearing:: a warm plaid vest, comfy jeans, and booties.
Following:: the West Elm blog and getting lots ideas for home decor, gifts, holiday details, and the possible overturn of a girl nursery into a boy one.
Noticing:: Christmas lights going up around town on people's houses and in the downtown area.
Knowing:: how blessed I am with this life I have. I'm living the life I've always dreamed of having. How many people can say that?
Thinking:: about how I want to wrap gifts this year, perhaps brown paper tied up with string?
Bookmarking:: a few Etsy shops, including this one, this one, and this one that custom designs teepees.
Procrastinating:: putting away clean dishes and loading the dishwasher with dirty ones
Opening:: a package from Warby Parker with demo frames & lenses. Considering buying a pair of "accessory" glasses.
Giggling:: over Maylin's self-feeding antics. Sister gets that food everywhere.
Feeling:: Cozy.
Savoring:: Hot tea with lemon and honey.


This idea from Sydney's blog, and will probably be a monthly occurrence.

{Miss Maylin} 8 Months Old

 And just like that, another month has gone by. As I sit here and reflect on the past month, I'm filled with memories of spontaneous afternoon trips, Thanksgiving with family, park visits, new discoveries, and many, many laughs. I realize I'm a week late with this post, but oh well. I was late posting last month, too, so this may be a trend! I admit, it's pretty hard to get this mobile 8 month old to stay in the same spot for pictures. But that just makes it all the more fun, right? Here's what's been happening this month.

At 8 months old, Maylin::

~ grabs my shoulders or neck while I'm carrying her. I wondered when the "hanging on" would start! Also, she gives pressure around my waist with her legs.
~ pinches the skin on my neck and chest for comfort while nursing, falling asleep, or when upset. This is a very painful habit she's picked up, which I am desperately trying to break.
~ still loves her Green Ring, also now called "Greenie" {see all pictures as evidence}
~ traveled to Hot Springs, AR for a spontaneous afternoon trip.
~ LOVES meal time. She cries when I say "last bite" at the end of the meal.
~ eats meat. I put it off for a couple months, but she now eats {and loves} deer meat and organic chicken.
~ eats table food, such as spaghetti, baked potatoes, french fries, grilled veggies, etc.
~ has eaten two dairy products: yogurt and cheese.
~ tried raspberries and raisins, they were both a hit!
~ is now self-feeding certain foods, such as raisins, small chunks of chicken or fruit, and cheese.
~ eats solids 3 times a day with us.

 ~ makes the sound "mmmmma mmmmmmma" when upset or wants to be picked up by me. I wouldn't say that she's talking yet, but she definitely relates that sound to me.
~ reaches for me when she wants to be picked up.
~ is becoming much more mobile, has crawled a few paces on a couple of occasions, nothing consistent yet. She tends to scoot on her belly when she really wants to get somewhere.
~ nurses 3-5 times a day, depending on nap schedule and solid meal schedule.
~ wears diapers size 2.
~ wears onesies size 3 months, 3-6 months, 6 months.
~ wears leggings and pants size 6 months and 9 months.
~ wears footie pajamas size 6 months and 9 months {girl has long legs}.
~ wears dresses size 3 months and 6 months
~ naps 2-3 times a day
~ consistently sleeps 6:45 PM to 7:30 AM {yes!}
~ weighs about 12 1/2- 13 lbs.

Maylin, you are our ray of sunshine, and our love for you is limitless. Happy 8 months, sister.