{Motherhood} Spoken Blessings

Recently I've become increasingly aware of the power of words. Not just the written word, with which I've always had a love affair, but also the power of spoken words. Particularly the power of positive truth spoken directly to yourself or directly to someone else. Words have a way of affecting us like little else does, especially if we hear the same words or are presented with the same idea repeatedly. We begin to believe those words, live those words. They become a part of our psyche, sometimes almost impossible to shake {body image, anyone?}.

Not long ago I participated in a Bible study led by Priscilla Shirer, which was not really about blessings or words at all, but during a particular video segment she mentioned her habit of speaking Scripture in the form of a blessing over her three sons. I was intrigued. I had not ever really heard of this before. Memorizing Scripture, yes. Reciting Scripture, yes. Writing Scripture, yes. But using it as a blessing spoken over someone? It was a little foreign to me. The concept is that she would routinely, several times a day, like when dropping her kids off at school or before bedtime, repeat parts of Scripture to her boys that she wanted them to believe was especially true for their lives. She mentioned that though her oldest is still in elementary school, he and his younger brothers could all repeat this blessing to her because she'd said it so often to them. The idea was fascinating to me. I loved it. And I wanted to do it for my girls.

After a little bit of thought, and not really much direction, I settled on saying a Hebrew blessing from the book of Numbers to Maylin {this was before Hartlie was born} as I rocked her to sleep. It was a short verse: The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. The Lord look upon you with favor and give you peace. {Numbers 6:24-26} It was a good blessing and I liked the cadence of the words, but after a while it didn't seem to be enough. I wanted more. This is not to imply that any part of God's Word is not "enough," because it absolutely is, all the time and in every circumstance. It's just that I wanted to put a bit more thought and effort into choosing what to say over my daughters. Especially after Hartlie was born, I began to desire a specific blessing for each of my girls, something that would be meaningful to them individually.

I began to really consider what truths I wanted Maylin and Hartlie to know and believe in their very core. I looked ahead to what their future might hold- to the teenage years, onto college, through marriage, and careers, and children, and potential heartbreak and probable tragedies. I thought about their individual personalities, the little quirks and nuances that set them apart from each other. I pondered the meaning of their names, and how amazingly through no fault of my own, the meanings of their names happen to fit right in with their personalities. I thought about what lies they might be faced with and what lies they might come to believe about themselves. And then I turned around and thought about my Lord, about His personality, His character traits, His promises. What about Him do I feel is essential for Maylin and Hartlie to know? And not just know, but believe as absolute, unshakable truth? Then I began to search the Bible, marking down meaningful verses, underlining certain phrases, making a list of passages I wanted to include. 

After some time, I landed on my spoken blessing for each of my girls. I finished Maylin's first, and have been saying it to her for many months. I speak it over her after our bedtime story, as we're either rocking or lying in the teepee, chest to chest and heart to heart. It's the final words I speak to her before she goes to sleep, and it's become such a routine that now when I begin speaking her blessing, she quiets down, her little body relaxes, and she listens. It's the final sleep cue.

I finished compiling Hartlie's blessing this week after waiting for her own personality to emerge. I will speak it to her for the first time tonight, as I'm giving her her final bottle with the lamp off, chest to chest and heart to heart.

An unexpected, but wonderful result of compiling and saying these blessings to my girls is that I have read and written and spoken them so often that I now have them memorized. And it's quite amazing how much these words, with which I started out intending to bless my daughters, have actually blessed me as well. I'm sharing them below.

For Maylin, my strong little warrior::

You are a woman of strength and dignity, a woman who speaks words of wisdom and kindness. You are confident and can joyfully laugh without fear of your future. {Proverbs 31:25-26} No weapon that Satan tries to use against you will ever succeed in doing you harm, for this is your inheritance as a daughter of God. {Isaiah 54:17} God is in the midst of you, my strong little warrior, surrounding you, you shall not be moved. God's help will rise at the break of day, as the morning dawns. {Psalm 46:5} Therefore, my strong little warrior, be strong in the Lord and in the full strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand firm against the schemes of Satan. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against forces of darkness and wickedness. {Ephesians 6:10-12} But you have already conquered all of these things through Christ who loves you. For I am convinced from the depths of my soul that nothing, neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor powers, nor things that are happening to you today, nor things that will happen to you in the future, nor depth nor height, nor anything that has been created can ever separate you from God's love in Jesus Christ. {Romans 8:37-39} 

This is my prayer and this is my blessing. I love you. Amen.

For Hartlie, my peaceful favored one::

You are a woman of strength and dignity, a woman who speaks words of wisdom and kindness. You are confident and can joyfully laugh without fear of your furture. {Proverbs 31:25-26} You are blessed, my little peacemaker , for you are a daugher of God. {Matthew 5:16} The Lord is your Keeper and He is a shade to the closest parts of you. Nothing under the sun will not smite you by day, nor will anything under the moon harm you by night. The Lord will protect you from all evil and will keep your soul. The Lord guards your every move from now through the rest of your life. {Psalm 121: 5-8} Therefore, my little peacemaker, let your light shine in front of all people in such a way that you illuminate your Father in heaven, so that you shine as a light in the darkness. {Matthew 5:16, Philippians 2:15} For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake and fall, but the Lord's lovingkindness will not be removed from you and His faithful promise of peace will not be shaken, for He has great compassion for you. {Isaiah 54:10}
This is my prayer and this is my blessing. I love you. Amen.

Note:: I also wrote a little bit more here about praying Scripture.

{I have taken a few liberties with the verses by paraphrasing my blessing, but I believe I have not compromised the integrity or meaning of each Scripture.}

{Real Mom Life} Things Inherited

I guess God knew I needed a little extra time with my girl today, so He made it where Maylin only napped this morning if I held her. 

Last night, I had a huge, major ugly-cry meltdown as a result of a bit of frustration over Maylin's temperment and the realization that today she turns 11 months old. Pregnancy hormones could have also played a tiny part. Tiny.

Maylin didn't nap, like, at all yesterday, which means that by the time 4:15 rolled around and I was trying to get supper started she was a hot mess clinging to my ankles and screaming at the top of her lungs. The following text conversation commenced between my dear husband and me::

Me: I am about to lose my ever loving mind.

Michael: Headed Home!

Me: Thank the LORD

Michael pacified Maylin {to an extent} as I finished supper. We ate, and at 6:00 PM sharp, Michael offered to give her a bottle and put her to bed. Lord knows I was in no frame of mind to do so. I plopped my tired, top-heavy body on top of the bed to catch up on some blog reading, and came across this post titled "When Satan Steals Your Motherhood." This is when the waterworks started because I could so relate to everything this mom was writing. It was all so fresh for me coming off the afternoon I had with Maylin. It's a great reminder and I bookmarked it {and her blog!} because I know I'll probably want to reread it later, probably many times over. 

After reading the post, all I could think about was the type of mother I'm being to Maylin. Have I done enough in her first year? Am I currently doing enough for her? Meeting all her emotional needs? Have I made enough memories? Have I intentionally spent my time with her like I wanted? What will I remember about these precious, fleeting, one-time-only months of her life? Am I being a mama who is good enough for this gift God gave me?

There are times when evaluation is healthy, and other times when regret and remorse kidnap logical thought, which is probably what happened to me last night. It took Michael to pull me out of my near hysteria over being a "terrible mother" and the guilt I felt for getting frustrated with my daughter an hour earlier. {He's a champ, by the way, soothing two inconsolable females in less than two hours. Oh how I love that man. Somehow God groomed him specifically for a household of women.}

Today, my mind is much clearer, and I am able to actually process thought rather than melting into a puddle of mascara.

My mammaw recently pulled this dress out the back of her closet where it'd been hiding for the last 25 or so years. 

It's a dress my sister and I wore when we were babies that had been tucked away when it didn't sell in a garage sale after we outgrew it. At one glance I knew it was perfect for my girl. She wore it to church last Sunday, and it's probably one of my favorites she's ever worn.

I've been thinking about that dress all week, about how it had been saved {maybe inadvertently, maybe not} and preserved to be passed on to the next generation. It got me pondering the things we pass to our children. What am I passing down to Maylin? What is she inheriting from me? I sincerely want her to receive the important things, the good things, the things that matter. I don't want her inheriting my frustration, which she sees when supper isn't ready at 5:30 on the dot. I don't want to pass her my insecurities I harbor over myself, which she sees when I berate my image in the mirror. Or that terrible habit I have of rolling my eyes, which she sees when I'm being disrespectful {that one may come back to bite me when she's 14}. Nor my stubbornness, which she sees probably all day every day. She's already stubborn enough, I dearly don't want to teach her any further.

I want to pass on whatever few positive traits I have and not the abundance of negative ones. Honestly right now I can't even think of any of my "good" characteristics I want her to have, but I sure as hell know which ones I don't want her to learn from me.

And, while I'm on the subject, what am I passing to my future self? The self that years from now will look back on these first few Maylin-months and sift through the memories that my current self has made. She will have only the memories I'm giving giving her at this moment. Will my future self see only hours spent on social media and a life void of the sweet baby Maylin face? Or will she see the times we went to the park or made an inside fort or played with dolls or read under a blanket or climbed up and down the stairs or had pallet parties in the living room on Friday nights? Those are things I want Maylin to remember, and those are moments I want to give myself to remember, too.

Somehow, all of these thoughts got wrapped around each other this morning as I sat for over an hour rocking my sleeping 11 month old baby. The past week has been a reality check, the effects of which I hope will ring in my mind for many years to come. I know what I want to inherit from myself, and I know what I want Maylin to get from me. May those things always be in the forefront of my mind, directing my attitudes, actions, and decisions. And may I have the grace to forgive myself on the days that I fail.

{Real Mom Life} Wake Up Calls

Maylin is generally a good sleeper.

We did sleep training when she was about 4 months old, and since then she's been a champ at sleeping through the night. 

However, this sister has woken three out of the last four nights, which is a stellar football record, but a terrible baby-sleep one. 

I could say that I'm a bit annoyed at her for interrupting my REM cycles, and probably would've been about six months ago, but honestly I'm not. I'm not annoyed at all. 

There's no feeling quite like the one I get when I'm awakened in the middle of the night by my baby's cry. This cry that she's been doing is very different from her middle-of-the-night-I'm-hungry-Mama cry that she had when she was littler. The cry that's woken me lately is more like a distressed, startled cry similar to, but not exactly like, the one I blogged about here. It makes my heart jump to my throat and squeeze a little bit in my chest while I shake the sleep from my brain and put my robe on so I can get up the stairs. And by the time I've scooped her up from her crib and planted us safely inside the arms of the glider, my heart is pounding and I'm out of breath. 

There's nothing in the world that can keep me from my baby when her cry is distressed. The force that drives me to get out of bed and up to the nursery is so strong I'm not sure I could be stopped.

I've been thinking about that as I've soothed and rocked her in the dark over the past several nights, curled up in a warm blanket together in a room illuminated only by the nightlight in the hall and the street lights coming through the closed blinds.

God is like that with us. When we are distressed, or startled, or maybe a little frightened He's immediately scooping us up in His arms, soothing our hearts and whispering comforting words to calm us down. There's no power in heaven or on earth that can keep Him from His children when they've cried to Him. 

Just like Maylin has different cries that I respond to in different ways, I believe our cries are different to God, too. It's something I've never considered before the past couple of days, but the more I think about it the more I'm convinced. Our distressed cry sounds different than our "hungry" cry, which sounds different from our "I need You cry," which is different from our "I'm sad" or "I'm hurting" or "I don't understand" cries. And God responds in a way that is unique to each one. 

As a mother, I use my discretion as to when and how to comfort Maylin when she's upset. Sometimes if she's bumped her head and I can tell she's not seriously injured, I let her get up and get going on her own with minimal assistance from me, and it's a lesson learned. Sometimes she doesn't need to be coddled, she needs to figure things out on her own to help her mature and learn life lessons. Other times when Maylin is upset in an aggravated way, like after I've told her "no," she doesn't need me to coo over her and baby her. She pushes me away and wants to be left alone until she's come to terms with the boundaries. I believe our Father responds to us in similar ways. He's always with us, but sometimes we don't need to be soothed and babied.  

Distress is different though. Psalm 120:1 promises that when we cry to Him in distress, He answers. Every time. He won't be stopped from reaching us. No matter what. His heart probably feels similar to mine when I hear Maylin's startled, middle-of-the-night cry when she's supposed to be sleeping safe and sound. I doubt that our cries ever catch Him off guard though. And He's with us faster than I can get my sleep-muddled, stumbling self up the stairs.

Another reason I haven't been annoyed at being woken in the middle of the night is I'm coming to the realization that Maylin's baby days are numbered. I now have far fewer baby days ahead of me with her that I do behind me. That's a sobering thought. So when I'm sitting up with her for an hour or two of uninterrupted time at night, all I can think is that I've been given the gift of having time for just her and me. Nobody else. No distractions. 

It's been a sweet, sweet couple of hours these past four nights. I hope that these are the nighttime moments I remember instead of the fussy ones. {Although I would also be okay with her just sleeping all through the night again, too.}

{Motherhood Mission Statement}

I was perusing the blog on Disney Baby a few days ago and ran across this article about creating a mission statement for motherhood.

I was instantly drawn to that idea, considering that being a mother is one of the most important and influential tasks I'll do in my entire life. I found myself thinking it would be pointless to blindly and aimlessly travel the paths of motherhood without a sense of direction or purpose. Being a mother is a monumental calling, so it only makes sense that I have a goal to work toward, a North Star, if you will, that guides me in a specific direction.

I will be leading my children in one way or the other, whether intentionally or not. I hope with this mission statement on the forefront of my mind, I'll be leading them in a direction I have consciously sculpted rather than toward a general area of adulthood. I want to mother with a purpose.

My Motherhood Mission Statement:

I want to respond gently and calmly to my children in the face of tantrums, surprises, disobedience, anger, disappointments, and exasperation.

I want to promote independence, self-confidence, and individuality among each child.

I want to exude unconditional love and ready forgiveness to my children, no matter what the offense. I want them to recognize this trait in me toward others outside our family too.

I want to nurture my children, to be available and present with them. I want to be intentional about spending time with them.

Most of all, I want to guide my children to know and experience the love of God, that they may be in relationship with Him.

Quote and picture found on Pinterest

{Real Mom Life} Night Terrors

For a long time I had trouble going to sleep due to striking fears I had for Maylin's safety at night. I'm not sure if this is common for other mothers, whether you're a first time mom or not, but I have a hunch it is. These fears increased when we graduated Maylin to her crib upstairs, which at the time seemed so far away from our master bedroom.

I was scared on behalf of Maylin for all sorts of things, but there are three fears in particular that plagued me. And instead of telling myself I was being irrational, my mind would flesh out all sorts of scenarios that I would allow to replay over and over in my head.

SIDS is the first and probably most prominent fear. I've always been terrified of SIDS, painstakingly doing "everything right" so that Maylin would still be alive come morning. I'd swaddle her, run a fan in her room, no loose clothing or blankets or bumpers or toys or pillows or animals in the crib, lay her on her back on a single, thin fitted sheet... and still my mind would create extremely vivid and detailed visions of me walking upstairs, opening the door, and finding her face down, not breathing, her face distorted from suffocation.

Then I became almost crippled by the belief that Maylin would be taken in the night while Michael and I were sleeping, that I would wake to find her simply vanished. Again, my mind replayed images of me walking upstairs, opening the nursery door, and finding a completely vacant crib, an open window through which she had been kidnapped.

The third prominent fear of mine is that Maylin would suffer from nightmares. There actually was a period of a few weeks when Maylin was about 4 months that she would wake suddenly from a deep sleep with terrified, heart-wrenching screams. Sometimes I was able to calm her pretty quickly, and other times her screams would continue. I became convinced she was having nightmares, or that she was seeing frightening things in the house that were invisible to me.

I'm telling you the truth when I say I was wrecked every night by these fears. Sometimes I was able to make a comment to Michael about what I was afraid of, and he would quickly reassure me in a calming manner that those things were irrational and that Maylin was perfectly fine. I'd take a deep breath and let them go. Other times I whispered a quick little prayer to banish my terrors, took a deep breath, and let them go. But eventually, the devil, that crafty serpent of old, realized he had a hold on me, and spun me into a downward vortex of captivity that hopelessly ensnared me. I soon realized for the sake of my sanity and my family that God would have to take full control over the situation.

So, I went to war.

The Word of God truly is sharper than any two edged sword, able to slay the toughest, most evil of enemies, which this time happened to be the terrors of my mind. I "stumbled upon" {love how God works that way} a chapter in Psalms that spoke directly to my fears. I started to read this Psalm every night after I put Maylin to sleep. I read it over and over, letting it juxtapose with my three most prominent fears so that I was basically debunking the false scenarios that replayed in my mind. I started praying this Psalm outside Maylin's nursery door after putting her down, praying away what frightened me and letting the peace of God, which passes all understanding, guard my heart and my mind from fearful thoughts. Throughout the day, when I put Maylin down for her naps, I'd read this Psalm, letting its promises and truths penetrate the deepest parts of my thought life until I believed what God was saying.  I read and recited this portion of Scripture so often I had whole sections of the chapter memorized without consciously trying to do so. These are the portions that spoke to me the most {emphases mine}::

Psalm 91

{The LORD God} will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark. You will not be afraid of the terror by night, or of the arrow that flies by day; of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or of the destruction that lays waste at noon. A thousand may fall right by your side, and ten thousand by your right hand, but it shall not approach you. You will only look on with your eyes and see the recompense {repayment} of the wicked. For you have made the LORD, the Most High your refuge and your dwelling place. No evil will befall you, nor will any plague come near your tent {dwelling}.

 'He{She} will call upon Me, and I will answer {her}. I will be with {her} in trouble. I will rescue {her} and and honor {her}. With a long life I will satisfy {her} and let {her} see My salvation.' 

Verses 4-10, 15-16

Now, about a month out of what I call "the war zone," I'm able to confidently put Maylin to bed at night with peace knowing she is safe and sound. And when the tremors of fear creep into my thoughts, which they sometimes still do, I'm able to pull on my arsenal of weapons from Psalm 91. I'm able to put my hand on her door and say a quick verse, or sit for a minute on the top stair giving my fear to God while reciting His truths. It's comforting to know that in the future, when Maylin goes to school, or sleeps at a friend's house, or starts driving, or takes a trip without me, or goes away to college, or gets married, I can always, always, always, no matter what my fear may be at the time, call upon God's Word. He is faithful. He is true. I can rest in Him.

{Real Mom Life} Carving Time to Read Scripture

As  our household manager and a work-at-home mom {yes, I consider raising my daughter from home work}, I've found it very difficult to maintain a scheduled daily Bible study. I've always thought it essential to carve out a few minutes each day to read my Bible, reflect on my life, and pray about issues on my heart. And I {mistakenly} assumed that since I'd be home with Maylin every day it would be easy to keep up my before-baby Bible study time. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Now, more than any other time in my life, I've struggled to have that daily time of closeness with God. I haven't quite figured out why that is yet. Yes, Maylin does take much time and energy and most of my day is filled with feeding, changing, entertaining, and soothing her. But can I really use her as an excuse? I don't think so. She takes at least three naps a day, and for at least part of one of her naps I should make the time to focus on God. Do I ? No. I'm washing dishes, or doing laundry, or sweeping the floor, or blogging, or reading my latest library book, or making baby food. Because for some reason at the time I think those things must be done immediately, that they're most important, or that perhaps if I'm not doing something "productive" then I'm not really pulling my weight as our household manager.

I have a feeling that I'm not the only mom at home that is dealing with this issue. I'm certain there are more moms out there who are missing that alone time with God because they're so busy working around the house trying to keep up with chores so at the end of the day they can feel like they were "worth something" or "productive". Definitely guilty here.

So what's the solution here? As I've reflected on this issue, I feel there are five simple promises I can make to myself to make my Bible study time a daily reality instead of wishful thinking.

1} Rise & Shine Earlier
I get up pretty early already, around 6:15 or so. But I've developed a bad habit of sipping coffee in bed or lounging around not really doing much until Maylin gets up at 7:30. What I really need to do is make that time between 6:15 and 7:30 count. I'm rising at an acceptable time, but I'm not shining like I should be. If I were completely dressed and ready for the day before Maylin gets up, instead of wet hair in a towel & still in pajamas, I'd be able to maximize her nap times by spending the first half of her first nap reading my Bible.

2} Set Time and Space
With a set time in my mind, like the first half of Maylin's first nap, I'm much more likely to make Bible study a part of my daily routine. Instead of saying, "I'll read when I finish this load of clothes," or "maybe after lunch I'll have time to sit for a minute," I'll have that specific time set aside just for Bible study. Another thing I'm setting aside is a specific place. We just ordered the cutest accent chairs from Target that I arranged near our living room window that faces the back yard. It has always been my intention to curl up in one of them with a book, but I've yet to do it. I believe if I make that my new space for my Bible reading with all my materials nearby and my coffee ready, I'll look forward to sitting there to read. This is much better than trying to read my Bible in bed or while I'm feeding Maylin.

3} Eliminate Interruptions, Distractions, To-Dos
It's easy for me to worry about the dishes in the sink, think about the errands I need to run later, or jump to fold the clothes when the dryer beeps. But I'm going to practice ignoring those household chores that can wait. Also, I'm not going to make a mental to-do list during my reading time. This is difficult for me, because as soon as my mind has a free minute it's up and running to think about what needs to be done next.

4} No Guilt
This is probably the hardest one to follow through with for me. Each time I sit during the day, my mind automatically starts chiding me by reminding me of everything I could be doing, cautioning me not to be lazy, or telling me to use my time wisely. Taking time to read my Bible every day is the most important thing I can do with my time. No amount of anything is worth the value of alone time with God. Therefore, there will be no guilt in my mind when I spend 30-45 quiet minutes soaking up Scripture.

5} Be Accountable
I'm not generally a person who needs to link up with someone else in order to do things I set my mind to do. I'm pretty self-disciplined and self-motivated, so telling someone my plans to ensure that I'll follow through isn't something I do often. However, I do think it's important in this case to be accountable for my actions. I work best with a plan, on a schedule, in a routine, by a list. Those things keep me pretty accountable to myself. Therefore I'm going to write a Scripture reading plan according to what I want to read, then write it on my calendar where I can see it and check it off.

It's refreshing and freeing to realize reading my Bible is not wasted time. When I was teaching, I had this mentality that I "deserved" the time to just sit and reflect on God because I'd been at work the whole day. I could use a few minutes to relax. Now that I'm home with my daughter, it's almost like the reverse is true. Because I'm not "working" in a financial sense, I don't "deserve" to sit and read. This is a lie straight from Satan and I will no longer let it abide in my heart. I am thankful that I'm able to raise our daughter from home, and this work is just as important as teaching that classroom of precious fourth graders. It's also just as important now, perhaps even more so, to be focusing my mind on God for a set time each day as it was then.

Moms, I want to encourage you. There is time for alone time with God. And as women who are home most of the day it's easy to start believing lies that creep into our thoughts. Let's not allow that. I need my God just as much at home as I did in the working world. So, with these five promises to myself, I'm ready to turn over a new leaf. How about you?

{Recap} Living Proof Live Conference with Beth Moore

I've attempted several times to write about attending the Living Proof Live Conference this past weekend, but somehow even I can't find the words to encapsulate everything that I experienced and learned. So, instead of this being a long, drawn out post about the conference, I'm going to sum up what I have to say in a few short sentences.

"If it had not been the Lord who was on our side- let Israel {Jana} now say- 

if it had not been the Lord who was on our side when people rose up against us, 

then they would have swallowed us up alive, when their anger was kindled against us; 

then the flood would have swept us away, the torrent would have gone over us; 

then over us would have gone the raging waters.

Blessed be the Lord, who has not given us as prey to their teeth! 

We have escaped like a bird from the snare of the fowlers; 

the snare is broken, and we have escaped!

Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth." 

Psalm 124 {ESV}

Take that first thought and let it run through your brain for a minute. If the Lord had not been on my side...

What? What would have happened? Where would you be?

What have you escaped from?

At the conference we were asked to let that sentence play out in our mind and record the answers. I recorded all the possible scenarios of my life if it weren't for God's loving influence and gentle intervention. And I was overwhelmed by the alternate path I'd be on.

You, too?

God loves us. God is for us, sisters. God's love and tenderness and longing for us stretches higher and farther and longer than we can fathom, is deeper and more gentle than we can imagine. There are times when I am faced with guilt and self-condemnation over my choices and actions, whether they be past or present, and a dark voice inside me whispers, "God is disappointed in you, Jana. He can't possibly love you as much now." But this is a lie. It is a lie in regards to my life, and it is a lie in regards to yours.

No matter who you are, what you have done, what choices you are making, or what actions you are living, God loves you. And He offers, oh so gently and oh so sweetly, an escape. Freedom. A new life.

Believe Him. Believe He is who He says He is. 

A joyful and abundant life of freedom is waiting.

{To read testimonies from the conference I attended, click here. If you are interested in Beth Moore, her devotions for women, or any upcoming conferences, please read more here. If you are looking for peace with God, click here.}